Evanesce
by Ovo
Summary: After the Phantom War, one wakes up in a prison of sorts, friendless and alone.
1. Imprisonment

_Evanesce_

**_Chapter One_  
Imprisonment**

I don't know how long I was there, partially because each day was the same. I was taken from my little room, and escorted to an examination room.

The exam room was larger than mine, but it was still small. One wall measured about ten feet, and the room was pretty square. The floor was black, as were the walls and ceiling. The metallic table and chairs brightly reflected the light from above. Every day I sat there, and talked with the USMF scientists. Rather, they talked and I listened, or they asked questions and I answered.

I had this little device strapped to my wrist while I was there. It was like a bracelet in a way, but it had needles on the inside of it. Barbaric little piece of equipment... never knew anything of the like existed. Hell, the needles weren't the worst of it. Damn thing had an electric charge to it, and anytime I disobeyed I get shocked.

I disobeyed a lot. Never used to 'til I got there. But now is different from then.

They always started by asking my name, like they didn't already know. I always told them who I was, calmly as I would if asked by a stranger.

"My name is Jane Proudfoot," I said, simple and honest.

"Very good," said the, well... the leader of the group I guess. He was older, pre-Phantoms I thought. He was taller than me, with dull blue eyes, and gray-streaked blond hair. He was frail. I never knew his name. He always had this kind look to him though, like he wanted to be my friend or something.

"Do you know who you are?" one of the other regulars asked. He was younger, had brown hair and eyes, and looked pretty average. Except for that expression on his face. All business, and no nonsense. I liked him, just because he didn't try word games like the others.

"I'm part of the United States Military Force," broad questions require broad answers.

"What do you remember?" asked the older psychiatrist. What a broad question! At least he seemed to believe that there were some things I didn't remember.

"What do you mean?" No shocks yet, but then these sessions lasted for hours.

"The week before you were brought in, for example," the man continued, "Do you remember it?"

I pretended to be thoughtful, and shook my head 'no'. Along with name and who I am, that one week is what they were always interested in. They aren't ever getting it. USMF or not, I didn't want to think about it enough to tell them.

"Do you remember anything?" the dark man asked, and I met his eyes.

"No," I lie, and the first shock hit. They knew I remembered things, because when I was first brought in I told them of a night I spent talking to my brother just after my graduation from high school. They never got another memory, and I'll be damned if they ever will.

So the hours past like that, and eventually they left and I was returned to my room. It was about seven foot length one way and six the other. It was a rectangle just large enough for a bed, a mirror, and a lot of pacing. If I had to go to the bathroom, I had to call a guard.

I never knew why I was there, but it didn't matter. When I wasn't with the scientists, I was trying to sort out what happened.

Much like them I guess, just without the little bracelet.

I almost went insane when I woke up in there. The first day was the worst. See, I should have been dead. The last memory, and the one they're after I'll bet, is of my standing under the shadow of certain death.

I guess I should have run, but I just didn't feel like it. I let my emotion rule over reason, and even now I wouldn't have it any other way. I let my friend die because I let my guard down. 'Friend,' I'd called him that behind his back. Now, I'd tell him face to face if it were possible. Maybe for once I'd try to actually be his friend. Yeah, maybe...

But the one and only certainty in my hellish existence was that he was dead. In a way, it was what I clung to in order to keep sane. It sounds weird, I know, but it was the one thing I could know without any variables.

So there, that evening, or I think it was evening, as I stood in front of the small mirror as I had time after time before, as I stared at my reflection, I felt different. My resolve hardened for the first time in however long I'd been in the black halls and black rooms.

I was going to leave, whether they let me or not. And I was going to find any of my friends that were still alive. Then I'd see what I'd do, after I knew what happened.


	2. Escape

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Two**_  
**Escape**

I hadn't seriously thought about leaving since my first week there. Then I'd inspected my room and found nothing that would help me. I was now inspecting my room again, this time with more reasoning. If there was anything here, I was going to find it.

I must have gone over the room for hours, and my only solution was that there was none. In the end, I had shattered the mirror, overturned the bed, and inspected every inch of the walls and door with more care than the architect did.

And I didn't find one damn thing to help me with.

Dejected, I paced from the door to the hind wall until I was too tired to think. I curled up in a corner of the room and slept for whatever time I had until the guards came back. When they did come, I stayed in my room and refused to leave.

Three to one odds aren't fair, I can tell you. The guards dragged me out into the hallway, with me dragging my feet the whole time. I didn't say a word during the session, and counted sixty-something shocks before one made me lose count.

On the way back I said I had to use the bathroom, which wasn't really a lie. Before I left the bathroom, though, an idea occurred to me. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and wondered. My mirror had been made of safety glass, I hoped this one wasn't of the same stuff.

I just needed something to break it without slicing up my hand. In my room I had used a sheet from the bed, but here all I had were my clothes. What I'd been wearing, or variations of it, for the past however long it'd been since I'd woken up, a black, or maybe it was navy, civilian uniform, came to mind. But I was sure the guards would hear the mirror break, and seeing me shirtless would arouse suspicion, and, if I were lucky, only suspicion.

Then an idea occurred to me. Trying not to think about it much, I stripped my upper clothes. I pulled the shirt back on and wrapped the spare garment around my hand. Within the minute, I shattered the mirror. To my enjoyment, the glass shattered in large pieces.

I selected my piece of mirror and wrapped it in the bra. The door burst open soon after, the guard demanding to know what I'd done. I managed to keep the glass concealed by hugging myself as though I were cold.

I smiled at him, but didn't answer as he accosted me about the mirror. With disgust, he ordered one of the other guards to clean up the mess while I was taken back to my room. I realized with pure joy that I'd only have two guards to fend off.

When we approached my room, I noticed another… prisoner, I guess he was, being escorted someplace. This was the only other person I'd seen who was neither guard nor scientist, but I was too busy to wonder at the time. I nervously unwrapped the glass shard as the woman guard pressed parts of the keypad to my door.

To my horror, my shaking hands dropped the glass and it skittered across the floor to stop at the feet of the stranger. Three of the five guards, mine and his, turned their attention to me as my door slid open. I recovered first.

I pushed the first guard through the door and smashed my hand against the keypad. The door closed, trapping the woman on the other side. I had my… my undergarment… wrapped around my second guard's throat before he could react and held him securely, but I was more nervous about the other three.

Lucky for me, the stranger decided to help. He was helping himself more than me, I'd guess, but still…

He'd grabbed the glass shard I'd so carelessly dropped, and expertly stabbed two of his guards with it. By the time I'd incapacitated mine, he was standing over the lifeless form of his third and grinning insanely.

I ran, not daring to think of what had just happened, or what part I'd played in it. I didn't look back. I ran without any sense of direction whatsoever until I came to a very bizarre door.

It was like any door of the place in size, but it's color and markings were off. It was dark red, where all the others were dark blue. There was something written in a code of some sort I'd never seen before, and I felt weird just standing there. The keypad was normal at least, and I reached for it to see what was beyond the strangely marked door.

"Run!"

I didn't think anything of it then, and followed the strange voice's instruction instantly, abandoning the door. As I ran, I became aware of what seemed like whispers that seemed to be following me. Strange enough, I listened.

I followed their direction, and found myself in a lift going down.

"Careful… Natural."

I listened, and walked out of the lift. I was in a lobby of what looked like a medical facility. I swallowed my fear and calmly walked out the front door. No one turned to look at me. No one tried to stop me, as I'd feared would happen when I saw the people there.

"Free," the whispers spoke, "careful, natural."

I tried to look as casual as I could, but the color… it was almost overwhelming to me. I tried to ignore it and get my bearings, but I'd so missed the color.

"Move," the voices sounded impatient, so I followed their directions. I walked swiftly along the strip of sidewalk that led away from the building I'd left. I recognized the location suddenly, realizing I was on the Military grounds of Houston, and on the science side of all places. Well, on second thought, that made some sense, seeing the place I'd been in.

I moved as quickly as I physically could and as memory allowed towards the other half of the base. I felt tired from the day and from the lack of adrenaline, but I also had this feeling of giddiness that wouldn't go away. I was free.

"Stay so, stay so, careful,"

I wanted a safe place to be, and found my way towards the officer's barracks. I found an old alcove I knew from when I used to live on that base. It was in the alley behind the building, and was where a bio- ethereal energy line had supposed to be placed. The design was changed, but the long hole that was between the building and the alleyway's pavement was still there.

I crawled into the recess with little difficulty and shifted around until I was looking up at the sky. With a start, I realized I was looking up at the sky. There was no barrier, just its skeleton the deep blue sky. I almost panicked until I realized there hadn't been Phantoms up until then, and didn't seem to be any. Still, I was uneasy.

I didn't want to wonder about the scientists or what I'd been through since New York. I didn't want to think about my escape, or the stranger. I didn't know how long it had been since New York, and since I'd last seen Aki Ross, my captain, Ryan, and …Neil….

I didn't know about the doctor or Captain Edwards, but I had little hope for Ryan. When Neil… When we crashed and I saw the sergeant there pinned to the jeep, I didn't have much hope then. Now it just seemed impossible that he could have lived. And of course there was Neil, who died right in front of me.

I looked out into the alley cautiously. Despite the whisper's insistence that I was safe, I wanted to make sure. Seeing and hearing no one, I relaxed in my hiding place and let myself mourn. For the first time in ten years, I cried; I let the tears flow freely and didn't care if I was found by anyone I knew. Evening came and I let my mind sink through memories, pleasant and not so pleasant.

I soon found myself laughing in the midst of my tears. I didn't want to know really, but couldn't help imagining what Neil would have said had he known that I escaped from such confinement while really only using my underwear.

For the first time in so long, I saw the stars. For the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid of that sight from the ground.


	3. Alone

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Three**_  
**Alone **

I woke several times during the night, once or twice to sounds I had to check on, but must have imagined. I doubt anyone found me, or if they did they left me alone. I didn't think I was in the clear yet. Only an idiot would think that. Still, I was free, and didn't have anything for them to hold against me. I was confident that I had nothing to lose but my freedom or my life. Not that I really wanted to die, but I'd held my life as forfeit once and I guessed I could do it again if I truly had to.

In the morning, I crawled carefully from my hiding place. I was still fairly tired and more than a little hungry, but I knew that I had to get some proper clothes before all else. Wandering around in the clothes I had for too long would draw suspicion. I needed a proper USMF uniform. That required wandering around anyway.

I stood in the alley, trying to decide what to do. I was confident that I'd be able to hide in plain sight if I could look the part. I'd need to be careful, but I knew I could pull it off. I remembered the general areas that I used to frequent, and perhaps could find old friends. I then realized I'd been gone for at least three years, and most of my friends had new assignments or had been killed.

I decided against stealing someone's laundry in favor of a better idea. Instead I started towards the part of the city that overlapped; where both the military and civilian supply warehouses were. I kept in the alleys when I could, and managed to make it to my destination without having to see more than four people, none of which gave me a second glance.

There were few employees at the warehouses, and only a few guards per two storage buildings. The government was near totalitarian and the population over sixty percent military. Most things were issued, even to civilians. Anything that was extra or needed to be replaced had to be paid for. I doubted that what I borrowed would be missed too badly. An accountant would probably be blamed for it, or he'd make up the numbers or something.

I stole two clean uniforms, a pair of boots, and three changes of casual clothes, as well as a ruck to carry them in. I didn't take anything else, I couldn't think of much I needed. And I could always come back and help myself if I thought of something. Not that I felt good about it….

I felt that my situation brightened up considerably by the time I was back in my alley. Okay, so maybe it wasn't really my alley, but it was a place to stay.

I looked around to make sure no one else was around before changing into one of my clean uniforms and putting on my new boots. I stuffed the civvies in the bag and hid that in the hole. I wondered what to do with my hair, which had noticeably grown since my confinement. It used to brush my shoulders, now it fell a few inches below them.

"Feet," the voices said. I looked down at my feet and tried to figure out what they meant by that. All I saw were my boots. I passed it off with the rest of the garbled nonsense that I kept hearing from them.

"Shoes."

Suddenly understanding, I got the old shoes out of the backpack. I unlaced one and used the lace as a sort of hairband. It wasn't the best, but it would keep my hair out of my way. The shoes and the bag went back into hiding and I nervously started on my way.

I went to the commissary, and took the chance of trying to buy food with my MPA number. I was astonished to discover my account had nearly a year's salary on it. There wasn't much of a selection, but I bought what I needed and left as quickly as I could. After that I felt a little guilty for my previous theft.

Back to my alley I went. I knew the food wasn't anything unusual, and it was the same crap the military and half the civilians always got. I guess I couldn't really complain, though. I was eating after all.

"Look up,"

I was halfway through my meal, for lack of a better term, when I noticed the cat. It had white fur and was watching me expectantly with its sapphire eyes. There was a dark green collar around its neck with a small metal tag affixed to it.

"I don't think you'll like this," I told the cat, offering it some of my provisions, "But go for it."

To my surprise, the animal devoured the food voraciously. I shared the rest of what I intended to eat with it. When we were finished, I expected it to go away. It didn't. I ended up with the cat on my lap, and with me petting it for some time. The tag on its collar read 'USMF: Research and Psychology – Ghost.'

I wondered about that, not quite liking it. I toyed with the collar, trying to find a clasp or something, but it didn't seem to have one. I held the cat still and searched for my pocketknife before realizing I didn't have it. It was probably with everything else I'd owned, and God only knew where that stuff was. It kind of made me sad because the knife had sentimental value, as stupid as it sounds. It was a gift from the person I admired most growing up.

"Sorry, cat," I mumbled, "Looks like the collar stays." I let it go and watched as it sauntered off to wherever it was going.

I sat there and mused over what to do for a while. I needed to find my captain. He would be with Dr. Ross, I guessed. So find one and find the other. An idea suddenly occurred to me and I trembled at the thought. Suppose he told me to go back? Suppose he'd put me there in the first place….

It wasn't something I wanted to think about. I wouldn't be going back. He wouldn't have done such a thing anyway.

I found myself wandering the streets of the martial side of the city. I didn't see anything unusual, and I stayed far away from the science section.

I found myself walking up to one of the barracks buildings. The difference between this one and the one I was camped behind was about ten stories. Officers had nicer places than the rest of us. This building was familiar as well.

"Kristina," the whispers supplied. Yeah, she lived here, or used to. Last I knew she still did. I blinked at the large building. Maybe she was still here.

She lived on the top floor, in the seventeenth room. That was about all I knew from the last three months, that and she had got engaged to some scientist. Three months not counting however long I'd been… away.

I walked into the building and found the nearest elevator. There were a few people that joined me inside, but it didn't bother me that much. I was closest to the control panel and even got to push the buttons. Joy. I wasn't interested in the other people, and stared at the buttons. I was playing events over in my mind again, trying to figure things out. I started from that morning, and went backwards from there.

Two people got off at floor three, one at five, and one at six. Which left me and a guy going to the eighth floor. The door opened as the first of the bitter memories from the hanger started. I stared dully out the door as the man left the lift and walked down the hall, and I suddenly felt cold. Not cold as in the northern territories in December, but cold like the lingering terror of a bad dream.

Neil Fleming had just stepped off the elevator. I didn't know what to think, or what to feel. I guess I was glad, in a strange way. Predominant, though, was a strong sense of fear. I'd seen him die.

I remained uncertain as the door closed, and the damn voices weren't helping matters. Ignoring their warnings, I stopped the elevator before it moved and got off on that floor. I followed the hallway until it turned and stared disbelieving.

"Disappointment… regret,"

I didn't understand what they meant. Neil was there, trying to open a door with some difficulty. It was kinda understandable I guess, seeing as he was trying to carry a sizable box at the same time. Maybe the disappointment was because I was actually happy to view the sight.

My first attempt to say something failed miserably as I approached. Although I would have wished to sound a little bolder, my second attempt succeeded.

"Hey, Neil," I called out. He turned his head and blinked at me before replying.

"Yeah?" He managed to get the door open and motioned to the room beyond, almost dropping the box in the process. I couldn't sort anything out to say. He went into the room and I followed.

I looked around, but interest faded as I realized it was just an average soldier's room. A little customized, but with little to show for its size. It was kept pretty organized, despite the fact that there were a lot of boxes and things taking up much of the room. Neil dropped the box he was carrying and I thought I heard something break before he kicked it under the bed.

"What was that?" I asked, still rather overwhelmed.

"Somethin' I'm supposed to have fixed by tomorrow," he answered, as though it was nothing important.

"And should you really be treating it that way?" I sounded reprimanding I guess, but old habits die hard.

"I think I know what's the matter with it," he responded confidently, and turned his attention fully to me, "What can I help you with?"

"Careful," was whispered by the voices, which were starting to aggravate the hell out of me.

I didn't answer him, though, because I suddenly realized how he was looking at me. I'd seen this look of his before and understood it quite well. I don't know if he knew he did it, but it was something he always did when addressing a stranger. He was trying to discern how to talk to me, Neil was always rather cautious around people he didn't know.


	4. Hope, However Little, is Encouraging

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Four**_  
**Hope, However Little, is Always Encouraging**

One thing I'd always liked about my job was that there was often a kindred thing going on between soldiers. In a weird way, the USMF was like a large family. If you spent long enough in one company or squad, it went far beyond that. I knew, or before then I did anyway, that I could trust my life to any one of the Deep Eyes and I could see in a glance that they felt the same. Through anything, we always knew where we could place our lives.

In part, that was what hit me hardest when had Neil died. He felt safe enough to trust his life to me and I let him lose it. Now I stood here with him and could see that trust was gone, and not even for the reason it should have been. Not to mention the fact that he was alive when he shouldn't have been.

I didn't know what to think. I felt numb.

He watched me for a while. I guess he was waiting for an answer. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know anything, really. The only thing I had known for sure was that he died and now that meant nothing.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I started awkwardly, cursing myself inwardly in praise of my wonderful start.

"Good, I'm… good" he answered, looking quite bewildered, "Um, can… could I ask who you are?" Even braced for it, the question hurt.

"I'm Jane," I answered quietly, forcing a smile. What was I going to say? 'Hey, Neil, I'm the person who's devoted my life to making yours a living hell, nice to see you again after I let you die'? Instead I simply said, "I guess you don't remember me." Good for you.

"Jane huh?" he started going through one of the boxes, "You do look familiar, but I don't actually recall ever having met you."

"I guess it wasn't that important," I shrugged, though he didn't see me.

"Guess not," he agreed after a minute, "Hey, I'm gonna be busy for a while, but you can stick around if you want."

I seriously considered the offer, but in the end decided against it, "Nah, I've got some things to do," I said. I don't know whether or not it was a lie, and at the time it didn't matter. I wanted to leave, and at the same time I didn't. I wanted to go think and figure everything out.

"See you around then," he called as I walked out the door. I turned in time to see him smiling at me as the door closed. It was actually a friendly smile, which was not something I was used to from him. It bothered me, but, when compared to everything that already happened, I didn't worry about it.

I looked at the nameplate on the door. Neil's name, along with a few other details, was inscribed on it. I memorized the room number. I decided to think everything through and come back tomorrow. Maybe by then I would have everything figured out.

I was outside before I remembered why I'd gone inside in the first place. Frustrated, I returned and went to the twelfth floor in search of Kristina. Doubly frustrated, I left and swiftly made my way back to the alley. She didn't live there anymore, and I didn't have a way to contact her.

I sat down and stared up at the sky. I still wasn't used to that, I didn't think I'd ever be. I kept thinking that I'd suddenly hear those unmistakable screams or see the reddish glow seep out of the ground or out of a wall. So when that white cat came back, treading on silent feet, he startled the hell out of me.

"I hope your day's been better than mine," I told him as he purred and pressed himself up against me. I eventually found myself telling the cat the story as I tried to make sense of it. I stopped about halfway through, realizing I was talking to an animal. I was still hearing those voices too. I wondered if I'd gone insane.

I decided that I couldn't be insane, even if that's what insane people say. I told the voices to shut up, which startled the cat and he went skittering off somewhere. I tried to reason everything out. I came to the conclusion that everything was normal until Neil's death. I reasoned that maybe none of us got away. If Neil was alive when he shouldn't have been, maybe everyone died. That included me. It couldn't be true because I was alive; but then so was Neil. Despite the relief of finding him alive, out of irritation I was starting to wish I hadn't.

The cat came back and dropped something next to me before starting to clean himself. I looked at the at first unrecognizable shape and felt a little disgusted when I figured out it was a dead mouse.

I got up and stood across the alley. The cat picked up the mouse and dropped it in front of me.

"Are you going to eat it or are you just going to show it off?" I asked, slightly miffed. The cat just rubbed up against my legs and purred.

"Gift," the voices supplied. I forgot; cats do that sort of thing don't they? I stared down at the feline's cheerful little face. Stupid little…

"Great," I grumbled, picking up the mouse. It scared me when it moved, but that was just gravity acting on its limp form. I held it in my hand, wondering what to do with it. I noticed one of its eyes was gone, and blood trailed down its face. I didn't look at it after that, and disposed of it as quickly as possible.

I took my time deciding what to do. It had been early afternoon when I found Neil. It was nearing evening again, and when the sun set it got cold. I don't know if I like nighttime in the city, it'll take a while to get used to.

By the time I went to sleep, I still didn't know what I was going to do. I decided I wanted to talk to Neil again, if for nothing more than comfort of someone familiar. So I went back the next day.

When I got to the room, the door was locked and the keypad stated that Neil wasn't inside. I didn't want to cause suspicion waiting, but the voices stopped me before I could leave. They gave me a code for the locked door. Curiosity wouldn't let me leave until I tried it, and stupidly enough it worked.

I entered the dark room and locked the door from the other side. After turning on the lights I sat down at the desk in confusion. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing there. I knew I'd come to see Neil, but he wasn't here. Why had I broken into his room?

"Wait," came the explanation. I guessed it made sense a little, but it made me uncomfortable to have broken into someone's quarters. Especially when it was someone that didn't even remember me. I didn't want to think about that, either. I swore I'd find out what had happened, why he couldn't remember and everything else.

I noticed a strange book in front of me. Flipping through it, I found it was a photo album. I studied it for a while, lacking anything else to do at the time. It held a couple hundred pictures. Some of them were of people and places that were unfamiliar to me, and the rest were of Neil and of places I knew from New York.

There were extremely precise dates and descriptions along with each picture, and when I started reading them I thought I'd made a mistake. I read every one carefully; they were painstakingly arranged in chronological order to the minute. But they had to be wrong, some of them. I remembered some of these days, but these events never happened then.

I stared in disbelief at a picture. I remembered the day it was supposed to have been taken. We'd been on a mission, nearly failed, and were gone all day. The date in the book just had to be wrong.


	5. Digging in the Dirt

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Five**_  
**Digging in the Dirt  
**

I still didn't know what I was going to say, but at least this time I had my wits. I sat there for hours, having lost interest in and all but forgotten the photo album I held. I was going to do things my way, and hope it all came together in the end. I didn't know any other way of doing it.

When Neil did get back, he looked genuinely shocked. If only that, the reaction, was all I had wanted... The old days' always look so good; maybe someday I'll laugh and wish I were back here. Things'd have to be really bad then, I'm guessing. I'm already wishing I was back before it all happened, even with the war and all. No real sense in it, I guess, seeing as it'll never happen.

Anyway, when Neil got back I got to talk to him. It wasn't hard getting him to tell me what I wanted to know; I knew him well enough to be able to keep the conversation pretty much in my control. A couple of words here or there were all I needed to keep him on track. I learned some interesting things. Like that the Phantoms had been destroyed and gone for little over a year. Or that the world was recovering nicely, with the help of science. Or about Neil's life the past few years, and I learned it was one without the Deep Eyes.

Then it was my turn.

It occurred to me then, the chance I had. Neil didn't know me. I could be his friend, and he wouldn't know the difference. A fresh start, a lie really, and it was so tempting. And of course I couldn't do it. I know I can be cruel, and I often make it a point to be, but I couldn't lie to him like that.

I didn't get to tell him much, but I told him the truth. I left out a lot, such as the voices and the scientists and all that. I didn't tell him why, but I did tell him how we didn't get along all too well. I'd forgiven him for those words a long time ago. I just never told him that I did. I started to tell him about the Deep Eyes and how we knew each other and everything, but stopped when he became kinda agitated.

"You're a Dreamer," he accused. I looked up from my hands and at him. He was... afraid? I don't know, maybe curious but... The way he'd said it was weird; like it was supposed to be an insult, but then he just looked ashamed.

"A what?" I asked, but the door chimed before he answered, if he even intended to.

The man at the door was a soldier, but I could instantly tell he'd never been in a combat situation. He was more of a secretary, a REMF. He looked very bored with his job.

"Task duty," he said plainly, handing Neil a piece of paper.

I stood and placed the book on the desk when the man looked at me. Neil grabbed the book and put it in a box, one filled with similar looking albums. He left without a word, and I... didn't know what to do.

"Well?" the stranger asked, "What are you waiting for?" I'd forgotten about him.

"What?" I asked, annoyed. Stupid pompous sonnofa...

"Are you going or do I have to escort you there myself?"

I didn't know what he meant at first. He gave me a slip of paper with my name on it and pointed in the direction Neil'd gone. As I left I heard him complaining quietly to himself.

I caught up with Neil before he'd gotten too far. He was dragging his feet anyway, which made it easier.

"Gotta love Pool life," he said as I slowed my pace to match his.

"Yeah, it's lovely," I answered. The Pool was where they put unwanted soldiers and officers. I'd spent a collective two months there in between the three squads and one company I'd served in. Any given person was to be available at all times, and if that person was skilled they made full use of them. I hadn't realized until then that that's where Neil was serving, but it suddenly made a bit of sense why he'd look as tired as he did.

I looked at the paper while we waited for the elevator. Although I'd seen it before, I hadn't actually realized that it was my name printed on the duty form. The idea itself almost had me turned around to go after the... secretary. It also scared me half to death.

"You coming?" Neil asked, and I remembered he existed. I nodded, somewhat distracted, and followed him into the elevator. "I'm sorry," he said, toying with the sleeve of his uniform.

"What for?" I asked, carefully studying the paper. It was nothing special, I've seen hundreds of these things, but it had my name on it. Well, so had the others, but here and now...

"I didn't mean anythin' bad by it," Neil continued, "It's just... you know what people can say sometimes and it can get into your head an' you're not really sure what they mean or if it's just speculation, y'know?"

It took me a minute to dissect the sentence and figure out what he meant. Ah, yes, the dreamer' thing.

"Don't worry about it," I said, finally crumpling up the paper and shoving it into a pocket. I'd worry about it later.

"They are weird people though," it's hard to admit I actually missed this, "Or so I've heard. Never met one, actually, so I couldn't really tell you."

"Yeah, where are we going?" I asked, wondering if I could be defined as weird' enough. I kinda didn't want to know.

"No idea."

As it turned out, we got sent to repair some broken... ah... thing. I have little idea of what it did, except that it had something to do with generating power. That and they wouldn't turn off the electricity for us. Apparently it was still connected with circuitry and acted as a conduit for other things of its kind, or something like that. It was my luck, good or bad, that I'd been confused for a technician, and I soon learned that I was definitely in a strange world. The only thing I learned was how not to touch live wires, which wasn't fair because I already knew that. It probably didn't help that I was a bit distracted, not to mention scared as hell of the electricity.

"So what do you really do?" Neil asked. We were working in a depression under the floors that I never knew existed. It would seem that I don't make that good a tech.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to act like I knew what I was doing while playing with a tangle of wires. What a mess they were, and I found myself trying to untangle them and organize them a little.

"No offence or anything," he said, "But you just don't seem to... You're not..."

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing," I stated for him, more than a little frustrated. I abandoned the wires and met his gaze.

"Right, somethin' like that," he said slowly, handing me the screwdriver, "Get that panel there, please."

"Yeah, sure," I sighed, and he took over with the wires.

"So?" he asked after a minute, "What d'you do?"

"I'm a Quickshot," I said, rather reluctantly. Something was bothering me again, but I couldn't quite figure what it was. In the situation I was in, it was strange that one little unknown thing would be so disruptive.

"Is it what you wanted to be?" I only shrugged. When I'd signed up, I had a few options. They narrowed down to the artillery branch, and to the shoot and run soldier from there. I'd never thought about it.

I kept drifting in and out of the conversation. For a time, I just sat there and listened to the voices in my head and my own thoughts. I didn't like being so easily distracted. There wasn't really anything relevant about any of it, it seemed.

"So why'd you join the military in the first place?" Neil asked at length.

"Parental influence," I said quietly.

"Father?"

"Mother," it was something I hadn't thought about in years. No, that wasn't true, but I didn't think about it often, "Stepfather some. I never knew my father."

"What happen to him?" Neil was playing with fuses of some kind, and I tried to imagine that the fuses were something special and warranting of my attention.

"He was a marine that was sent on the Crusade Attack," I explained, "Before they combined the forces, and he got killed. A couple of weeks later, mom found out she was pregnant." A sideways glance revealed that he was listening to me. I'd been hoping he wasn't, "It was a soldier thing, right? Nothing special. She got back to the marines quick after I was born, then the USMF was formed and she became one of the youngest colonels ever. I guess in the beginning I kinda wanted to be like her.

"But later, after I'd found my world, I just wanted to be myself, and not her daughter." I don't know why I was telling this man these things, of all people. Only a few people knew I wasn't my stepfather's daughter.

"Everyone wants to be a hero," Neil said. Funny how he sounded, almost wistful. I decided I didn't like it, sounded too strange coming from him, "Who was it, Kenis or Proudfoot?"

"What?" I asked, having momentarily forgotten the way Neil had of picking up small bits of useless information.

"Two youngest women colonels in the history of the USMF," Neil stated, "Which was she?"

"Proudfoot," I mumbled, remembering only too well an old comment on his part about my mother. I half expected it again and was glad when it never came.

"No kiddin'?" he'd stopped working completely, stopped fiddling with things even, and just stared at me intently.

"No, why?" I asked, more than a little unnerved by the look on his face.

"Man, I thought you were still missin' from the first Dustbowl mission," he said, looking rather amazed, "Your mother was up in arms about it, had half of New York up and lookin' for you for a year."

Let me point out two inconstancies here. The Dustbowl mission was a nice success, and there was no need for a second; we set up an observation post in the middle of the North American continent without too much trouble. The second, my mother never really cared for me, at least not since I was ten. Maybe I just realized it when I was ten, but that's not the point.

I tried to ask what he meant, but a sudden yell interrupted me. It startled us both, and we peered over the edge of the floor to see a woman scientist getting dragged off by some soldiers. She didn't seem to be struggling or anything, she just sorta went with them slowly. I was left wondering if she'd been the one to yell, or if it'd been someone else.

"Hey, keep your head down," Neil said, "Not our business, right?" He pulled me back down slowly and I sat out of the way while he started working again. I didn't want to think much of it, and let my mind wander again. I watched him as time ticked by, and eventually something occurred to me.

"You look tired," I said casually. No surprise what the answer was.

"Yeah," he didn't want to talk about it. My guess was that they'd been keeping him on a very scant sleeping schedule.

"Why don't you sleep here?" I suggested, only to get a confused look.

"Why'd I wanna do that?"

"Tired?" I repeated, "I'll cover for you, if you wanted to sleep here."

"You're serious?" he asked, looking incredulous.

"Yep,"

I don't know why I was doing what I was, but maybe it had something to do with the fact that the number of times I've done nice things for the guy can literally be counted on one hand. In the end he accepted the proposal and dozed off against one wall of the pit. I can't say I didn't think of reporting him, but of course I wouldn't do it. Not now anyway.

I watched him sleep. He looked too serene, brought back the mental image of his death. I told myself I couldn't think about that anymore, he was alive and was hopefully gonna stay that way. I stretched my legs across the floor and stared at the man who'd twice become the stability in my life. Go figure it'd be one of the most unstable people I'd ever known. Still, at that moment I could almost forget my ideas about finding my other comrades.


	6. Labyrinth

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Six**_  
**Labyrinth**

There are few people who are authorized to drive. This never mattered to me. I always preferred walking anyway. So I skipped the transport back to the barracks. So did Neil, though I couldn't for the life of me tell why. I still figured I'd be the last person he'd want to be near, but I enjoyed his company nonetheless.

The city seemed... larger than I remembered. Maybe they'd added an extra level to it, or something. Maybe it was because we were on ground level and everything looked taller. At any rate, there certainly seemed to be a lot more people. They all looked happier than any lot I'd ever seen, making it all seem surreal. Under the barriers, people were always afraid, timid little mice. Now one could get caught up in all this happiness without thinking. Neil certainly did. So did I for a little while. The world was alive again. It was an amazing sight.

Sunlight filtered between the high buildings and high level walkways and roads. Not much of it reached the ground, but what did seemed like it was from another world. I probably would have just enjoyed that feeling forever, if I could have feigned that life. Working menial jobs just to walk the city's streets didn't seem too bad. As long as I didn't get caught, of course, but that wouldn't happen if I was careful.

"Hey, do you know that lady?"

"What?" I fell back to reality and looked around, "what..." lady? I saw her then, a younger woman dressed as a medic. She was staring at us from across the street, from one of those patches of sunlight. She did look familiar, and was studying us. She looked away when she saw she'd caught our attention, and walked off. I probably should have left well enough alone, but I was curious.

I jumped the railing that separated the sidewalk to the street and ran after her. She saw me and ran through the crowd. For a moment, I had the advantage. I was the only one desperate, or maybe stupid, enough to think of running through the empty roads, and she had to deal with getting around the people.

Then I lost sight of her, and had to stop for a minute. I'd already drawn a lot of attention to myself, and just standing there was gonna draw more. I climbed over a second railing, back to the sidewalk, and tried to figure where the woman could have gone.

Discouraged, I walked past the people and looked around. There was a... an alleyway maybe, between two of the supports for the higher level walkways and roads. I wasn't going to find the woman if I just gave up, and I didn't have any better ideas, so that's where I went. Not to mention the voices seemed to agree.

Normally I wouldn't bother with the place if I had a choice. I've been through enough alleys and underpasses during the city and ruins search and rescue missions to last a lifetime, and most of the rescued' individuals were raving lunatics that just had to be forcefully removed. Under the barrier, no one cared unless a tech stumbled onto one during maintenance or something. Outside was another matter, but...

This alley was dark, and it took a minute for my eyes adjust to the lack of light. I found that the whole place was the entrance to a larger network of roads between the buildings. A labyrinth.

I would have turned back then, but I heard a noise close by. I walked slowly, trying not to make a sound so I wouldn't drown out the other. Yes, there was definitely someone down here. I grinned. This was kind of fun... ignoring everything else, naturally.

I crept around a turn. I'd thought this was where the sound'd come from, but it wasn't. I tried to see any adjacent paths from where I stood, but there didn't seem to be any.

A sound from behind me, but I couldn't listen to it before someone had a tight grip on my arm. I froze, wondering if I'd made a mistake.

"Calm down, we're not gonna hurtcha." ...Ryan?

I didn't know what to think. I knew better, but I tried to twist away anyway. It was a halfhearted attempt, but he did let go. I walked a few feet before turning around. Sure enough, there was Ryan. I didn't know whether to feel happy or sick.

"Goddamnit," I said. I didn't need an adrenaline rush then, but that's just what I had, "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding sincere enough. I didn't care how sincere he was, though; I don't like being frightened. I fell against a wall and glared at him. He only laughed.

"What's so damn funny?" I asked. There was nothing to laugh about, not like that. It was kind of encouraging itself, though.

"You," he grinned, "You're funny."

"Am I?" I replied, fighting the abrupt rage I felt, "Am I really?"

"No, but you remember me."

Okay, sometimes I'm slow. Especially when I lose my temper. So the Ah ha,' came a little late here. This was Ryan. This was my friend and he knew me.

"Oh man," I said quietly, "I'm sorry, it's just that everything is really weird." I've been more eloquent.

"I know," he replied, "Good to know you're okay though. Everything's alright, right?"

"I dunno, everything's..."

"Weird," Ryan smiled, "You said that already."

"What the hell happened?" I asked, "One minute everything's... normal," people die all the time, it was a war, of course it was normal, "and now..."

"I'd be lying if I said I knew," Ryan sighed, "But I know something's up." He was looking at me strangely. I paid the look no heed and straightened my stance. My uniform was getting dirty enough as it was, so I didn't need to lean on neglected walls to make it worse.

"We need to talk," Ryan stated, stopping me as I walked by him. I wasn't sure I wanted to, and I told him so. Couldn't explain why though. "There's no choice," he replied, "If you'd prefer I could carry you kicking and screaming, but I'd rather not have to."

He could, too. The last time I'd fought Ryan, a close quarters play fight, it turned serious and I'd ended up in the infirmary. He'd been endlessly apologetic about it, even though it was my fault. The thing is, he has the weight advantage and knows how to use it. He's also a grade above me and we were in a closed off space. I had no chance unless I wanted to run further down the way, which could have been a dead end.

"All right," I said, still reluctant, "but can we talk elsewhere?"

"Probably a good idea, actually," Ryan replied, looking around, "I never know whether to trust anyone anymore."

"Neil," I suddenly remembered, "something's wrong with him, he's got some kind of amnesia I think." I looked up at him, but he didn't look at me.

"Yeah, me too," he confessed, "Not amnesia exactly, and I'm willing to guess I'm not as bad off, but that's one of the things we need to talk about." He let go of my shoulder, "I don't even remember your name."

"Let's go elsewhere," I suggested. I suddenly remembered why I was there in the first place, and asked Ryan about the woman.

"That would be Kristina Lawrence, she's a friend of mine," he answered, "I think she knows you, too."

That brightened my day considerably. Kris was my cousin, and she was one of the best friends I ever had.


	7. Chapter 7

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Seven**_  
**Chapter Seven**

So… Ryan has a bright and cheery apartment on the civilian side of the city. Bright, cheery, and on the civilian side. Perhaps it can be seen why I was a bit skeptical at first. The first two might have fit on a good day, but….

Anyway, we went to this bright and cheery place. Neil'd caught up with us on the way out of the alley, so he followed. Pretty quietly too, which made me thankful. When we got to the place, Ryan wasn't quite the same. He didn't act as though anything was wrong, and said nothing about whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

It was irritating. Before he had been anxious, now he was a carefree host entertaining friends. A friend; he made no sign of knowing Neil and I had to introduce them. I put up with this kind of crap for about an hour before confronting Ryan.

I suddenly wondered if I'd done something wrong, the way he looked at me. He took a deep breath and glanced over at Neil, and then back to me.

"I don't even know what to believe anymore," he finally said, "And before I start, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," I answered, hoping that I'd get that much closer to his explanation.

"Why didn't you run away?" I was thrown off guard. I didn't know what he was asking at first, and could only blink in miscomprehension. I saw a hint of a smile that turned into something more mournful, "I watched you die, now tell me why you didn't run away."

I felt cold before he'd finished the sentence. I looked at Neil, sitting to my left on this green couch Ryan had. I guess I've seen both sides now. He gave me a slightly annoyed look back.

"What?" he asked, "Why do you people keep looking at me? I've got nothin' to do with you guys." He looked like he was going to say something else, but didn't. I might have laughed once. He thought we were insane, I'm sure. It was funny in its own depressing way.

"I had nowhere to go," I stated, looking back to Ryan. If he saw through the lie, then he didn't say anything about it. It didn't take long to get him to drop the subject. It wasn't because of my efforts though; Kris was standing in the doorway of the small living room. I think I smiled, but if I did it didn't last long. The man she was with, he was the younger of the scientists I knew all too well. It took a minute to recognize him…

I don't remember standing or crossing the room, but that's where I found myself. I had the man pressed against the wall, with one of my hands around his throat. I would have killed him, I'm sure, but Ryan intervened.

He tried to pry my hand away, and I thought he'd break my wrist. Whatever clarity I had was spent wondering which would break first, my arm or the man's neck. I guess Ryan felt more drastic measures needed to be taken, because he floored me.

I stood shakily, and glared at him. He just smiled apologetically. I looked at Kris, she looked pissed, and the man… he looked like he had always looked when I saw him - cold and calculating. A little more disheveled maybe.

I didn't spend the time to wonder; I ran. Rather, I tried to. Ryan caught me by the shirt before I'd gone five steps. I don't know who it was, but someone said, "wait."

"Hey, look at me," I reluctantly followed instruction. I tried to recall… had he been talking? "I promise, no one's going to hurt you. If anyone tries, they're dead, understand?" Trying to protect me? I don't need that. I can take care of myself. "Trust me, okay?" I wanted to, and I think I must have a little.

I wasn't angry anymore. The aftereffects of the rage I was used to, a little fatigue and slight regret. I wasn't used to the feeling of despair, or the contradictions and theories I was putting together without really thinking of it. The voices? They were a jumble of confusion, drowning out almost everything around me.

In more ways than one, I felt trapped.


	8. Chapter 7.5

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Eight**_  
**Chapter Seven-Point-Five**

I didn't pass out, exactly. I knew what was going on around me, but I didn't feel like doing anything about it. I felt like sitting down, so I kind of let myself fall towards the floor. Ryan tried to hold me up, but eventually he got the clue and let me down gently against the wall. I sat there for God knows how long. I didn't really care either, because I was too happy to care.

Everyone was staring at me strangely, especially after I struck up a conversation with one of the voices regarding… well, I can't remember. It was funny as hell though. It must have been because I remember giggling quite a bit.

Ryan asked to inspect my arms, which I wouldn't let him because he didn't ask very nicely. Then he apologized so I said it was okay. He turned them, this way and that, and lingered over the marks on my wrist before stopping at my hand. I guess he found whatever it was he needed because he let me be and went to yell at someone I couldn't see from behind his legs. I looked and found there was a slight scratch across the back of my hand.

I was half carried back to the couch, and I'd have to say that it was a very nice couch. I was there for what must have been hours, blissfully unaware that any time was passing at all. When I did snap out of it, the apartment was dark and no one was around.

I left, quietly as I could, to stand out on the walkway. It was early morning, I think. Few people were around and the stars were still visible. I leaned over the railing and stared down at everything below. I saw the tops of trees, various other walkways and buildings, and a few people going about their normal lives. What the hell had happened to mine?

"You never had a 'normal' life, if everything on your record is true," the man was on the edge of my peripheral vision. I had no intention of looking at or speaking to him, "And don't be childish. It might be in your best interest if you did talk to me."

"I don't want to," I said. I hoped I'd sounded serious enough that he'd leave me alone. He didn't.

"Then what do you want?"

I did think about it, and I came up with one answer, "I want everything back like it used to be."

"You want the Phantoms back?"

"No," I looked at him. In what little light there was, he seemed like a shadow, "What the fuck are you after?" I winced at my own outburst. This was not a good place to draw a crowd. Not that there was a crowd around to draw…

"I'm not after anything," he said, not intimidated in the least, "I'm working for your good. Which is why you should listen to me."

"Bullshit." He ignored the comment.

"This is a stinger," he explained wearily, pulling something from his coat and handing it to me, "If you're ever cut by one of those then you get a dose of a powerful euphoric drug. It's what I hit you with before, so you're familiar with its effects."

'Keep it,' I stared at the thing. It looked like the… a single blade of a pair of scissors. Except it seemed to be made of glass.

"Have you ever seen anyone wearing a uniform like mine before?" I looked at him. No, that wasn't any uniform I was familiar with, "If you're confronted by these people, do not run away. You will be tracked down and, if we feel it necessary, we will kill you. Understand?" I wasn't going to answer a question like that.

"There shouldn't be any problems," he continued, "As long as you don't cause trouble and don't leave the city."

"What's it all about?" I asked, attempting to sound a little less aggressive. Maybe it worked.

"All you need to know is that we're working for your good," or maybe not, "I would stay away from these people if I were you. They don't remember half the things you do and it wouldn't do them any good to get them caught up in something none of you understand."

"What don't we understand?" I liked this guy's honesty before, but now it was getting annoying because I knew he was holding back.

"You know," he changed the subject, "It might be in your best interests to go back, and cooperate with us for once. All you have to do is answer questions, and we'll give you a whole new life."

"A whole new life?" I echoed slowly, and it dawned on me. Ryan had been missing bits and pieces of his memory.

"You've almost got it…."

Neil was….

"There," he smiled. Not cruel, and not malicious, just… compassionate?

That left two questions, "How?"

"Oh, that's simple," he was like an old man telling the story of his life to some interested little kid. Or a scientist, explaining some ingenious discovery, "We've been doing it for decades, on troubled criminals mostly. The crime rate didn't drop that drastically from loyalty to the human race, that's for sure."

"You see, a strong enough jolt of electricity through the brain causes neurons to break their bonds, including the ones for memory. It can then be rebuilt, although it is always somewhat weaker than before."

"And there are side effects?" I added, not feeling very well.

"Sometimes," his smile faded, "Often it has to do with the somatic nervous system, weakening of reflexes, loss of hand-eye coordination, and so on." Wonderful…

"Hallucinations?" I watched him carefully, "Like, hearing things or something?"

"Well," he looked genuinely amused, "I don't know, have you been hearing things, or something?"

"Yeah," I admitted, "I've been hearing people talking when there's no one there, sorta."

"Really? Does this happen a lot?" I wondered if I was doing a bad thing by talking to this guy, "Come now, you can talk to me. I'm a doctor, after all."

"Yes, it happens a lot. All the damn time."

"Well, then," he pondered, "You might want to come back for treatment, then. Sounds like schizophrenia to me, is there any history of it in your family?"

"Look, I don't care about that," I told him. Schizophrenia or not, all I wanted to know was why, "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm doing this because I care about your cousin's wellbeing," he replied, "She needs to come back as much as you do. As soon as she does, I'm not working with you people on the outside anymore." Okay, I meant the whole of whoever was behind it, but….

"You know what I'm asking," I asked again, "Why?"

"That I don't know," he said, and I had little reason not to believe him. Still didn't though, "I just get the cases. These don't seem to be the normal ones, and to tell the truth I'm a little suspicious. I'm not going to question my job, though."

"Who would know?" I wondered if anything he had said was true.

"Probably those in charge of the new program," maybe he just didn't believe I could do anything, "Hollis, Ross, or Norton. One of them would know the most." Hello….

"Aki Ross?" I asked, maybe a little too eagerly.

"Yes, she might not be your best hope though. She was booted from the project after maternity leave, not too long ago," he snickered, "She's in Chicago, so your chances of talking to her aren't too likely."

For a brief instant, I wondered if he was trying to help me.

"Can I have my weapon back?" he asked as I started to pocket the thing. I thought he'd said…

'Don't give it,' I stared at him, 'Keep it.'

"Look, I need that," he sounded annoyed, "So give it back or I'll get Kristina out here and we'll let her settle it."

"What makes you think she'd side with you?" I felt a little insulted.

"You haven't seen her for some time, I'm told," he smiled again, very confident with a hint of… "I, on the other hand, see her as often as I can." Oh, I understand now. Wonderful…

'Keep it,'

I stared at him, and for a moment he seemed like an entirely different person, "Don't listen," he told me, "Give me the weapon." Serpentine, almost. I relented, and he was again the same… scientist.

"Oh, here's an interesting case," he said, as though speaking of the weather. I looked where he was looking and saw Neil coming along the walkway, "He had a lot of interesting things to say, you know? You were one of his favorite topics of conversation." Neil started walking faster when he saw us, "I wouldn't want to bother with him, if I were you. Not with what he said."

"What would that be?" I wanted to know.

"I wouldn't be a good psychologist if I went around telling my patient's secrets." So I wouldn't know until Neil recovered. I thought about it and wondered how long would take… "Don't kid yourself, it's not reversible."

He nodded to Neil as he went inside. Neil fell back beside me, watching the door the whole time.

"I don't know how you know these people," he started, "But I wouldn't trust any of them. I don't know if you trust me or not but that guy scares me a lot and I don't know if it'd be safe for you to be around him." The whole speech sounded rehearsed, but before I could comment he continued, "Especially after some of the things they were talkin' about last night."

"I was just leaving," I said quietly. It was the truth. I didn't want to stay. I thought about going back to talk to Ryan and Kris later, but I did not trust that man. I didn't know if he'd told me the truth at all. I noticed the sun had risen, though I couldn't quite see it from where I was. I could see it reflecting off some of the higher buildings.

I had my goal again. It was down to Dr. Ross or the captain. I'd found Ryan and I hoped he wasn't going anywhere. If I needed him again I could find him.


	9. There....

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Nine**_  
**There...  
**

There are times when arguing with Neil can be as productive and fun as arguing with a brick wall. The one exception is that against brick walls I usually have some chance of winning. With Neil I either lose or get him pissed off enough that he goes off to sulk somewhere. There is no win.

I did the stupidest thing. I told him the truth about Ryan and Kris, the hospital, sanitarium - whatever it was... me, him, Cpt. Edwards, what we'd been through, and why and when. Everything I could think of that was important, and that I felt comfortable with. He took it quite well, really… although I don't think he believes me in the least.

He decided he would do me a favor and tag along when I went to Chicago. I tried talking him out of it, death threats, and reasoning with him, but got nowhere. I asked him why, but all I got was a 'because' response.

I guess it's not the worst thing that could have happened. Hell, I actually missed some of the stupid things Neil tries to pass off as conversation. It's just that now I've got to take care of him while watching my own back, and I'm afraid of what might happen if I can't do that.

I'm not sure what I'm worried about. There are no Phantoms anymore, and I don't think whoever'll be after me cares about him anymore.

Still, sometimes it pays to be paranoid.

The Chicago Military's airfield was a busy place. We were lucky; no one noticed us creeping out of the transport that we'd snuck aboard. I don't know why Neil is doing this. If he gets caught, he'll be… I don't know; I hope the worst scenario is that he won't have a career in the military anymore. If he hasn't changed too much, maybe he'll be able to get out of it; or that could be what he thinks.

No time to worry about that.

Finding them wasn't as difficult as I'd imagined. Officers get officers' quarters. Neil figured that one out, actually, and I'm still waiting for him to get smug about it. This was after he discovered I had no clue where I was going. I've never been to Chicago before, strangely enough.

There were few enough buildings to choose from, and it only took a little checking around to find the one we were looking for.

My mind was oddly blank when we reached the place. Even the voices in my head were reduced to something distant and fuzzy.

Apparently, no one was home, but…

"Good morning," we both turned to face him. I'm never going to get used to this. He looked exactly like he had the last time I'd seen him, when we left the woman's spacecraft. Except that he's carrying a kid instead of his rifle.

I lost my nerve right then. I had no plan, nor an explanation or anything, and I was standing on this man's doorstep like an abandoned dog. I did the only thing I could think of at the time, and all it was was a reaction of years' conditioning.

Neil was only following my cues. I guess the whole experience could have been a disaster. Cpt. Edwards had a strange expression on his face, something amused or… I don't know. It was alarming for a minute, and then he laughed.

"What did I tell you about that?" he asked, and I faltered. He knew me, and I suddenly wondered why he shouldn't.

"Not to," I dropped my arm to my side with little contempt, "Unless I wanted to make something of it."

"I'm glad you remember," he shifted the weight of the baby when it started squirming, "Do you want to be let in or are you comfortable where you are?"

We decided we'd like to come in. No harm, I suppose. It's what we're here for, after all.


	10. Walk Carefully

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Ten**_  
**Walk Carefully  
**

Okay, so I made a mistake. But there's no one out here to tell; there's no one else out here at all. The city seems pretty dead.

And there's that word again. Dead.

I hate that word, but it's got a lot of much worse euphemisms. 'We lost him,' right…. You lost him where? Down an energy conduit? Morons.

But the city is rather… idle. I think the last person I saw was one of them, maybe Dr. Ross, was it? Does it matter?

Maybe it's because it rained. It smells like mud. Kind of nice actually, it's got a springtime taste to it. Might rain again, that'd be nice. Strange, but nice.

I don't even want to think about it. Damn it. Stop it. I'm not listening to doubts about it, what's done is done. I can not think about this, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. So why do I feel guilty? Because… just… damn.

All right, stop. Stop walking, stay still, and take a deep breath. What did I do this time?

_I never said I liked the idea, but it's true._

He said we belong to them.

_Look, assuming they did find a way, assuming all this is real, then they do, technically, own us._

Yeah. Leave it to him to come up with something so stupid and…. Where am I anyway?

_You're telling me to go back, is that it? Fine._

I won't. I swear, I won't. Edwards knows me, so he can tell them if he wants to, I don't care. I'm not going back there, either. I'll walk a straight line and see where I end up. Probably in a nice desert, someplace. Comforting.

'Alone?'

"Yeah, always."

'Never,' laughing… at me?

"I'd prefer it."

'Too bad,'

"Why?"

No answer. To hell with them… that one… whatever. They've been pretty dormant, too, stupid delusions.

She was sympathetic, but why didn't she do anything? They threatened her, but she could have tried at least, instead of leaving us there.

_It was supposed to be a controlled experiment in medical science, I don't know what it's become._

This city is stranger than most. New York was mostly made up of ramps, Houston is catwalks, and this place looks like a combination of the two. In a way, like Paris was before it fell.

_While I was working on it, I was given aides. No one thought I could do this project alone, and maybe they were right…. I guess it doesn't matter now. Two of them were pretty ambitious about it. The rest thought it was a waste of time._

Can't say I blame them on that one; I'm still a little skeptical about it all but I can't complain. Not really….

Reviving people from being dead isn't my idea of a plausible scientific pursuit, either.

_Eventually, we found more supportive assistants and took it on our own. It wasn't quite the same; we had different funding, so it wasn't fully my project anymore. Galen Hollis, my direct colleague, knew the financier, who trusted him more than me, so I took second place._

That name again. I don't know him; don't think I like him either.

_But it didn't matter anyway, we had what we needed, our labs and our cadavers, and we were progressing quite swiftly. And then we had our first breakthrough. We managed to restore a trace of bio-etheric energy to a dead man, and we restored his life. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of._

She gets excited more easily now, or so it seems to me. Maybe it has something to do with being counted among the living again. No, I suppose if I'd come up with some way to bring people back to life, I might be that happy too.

I don't know, I don't even know the woman.

_Although, there were problems. Big ones. The subject went berserk right off; really only minutes after he regained consciousness, and he tore up the lab and injured some of our personnel. That put the project on halt until we thought we had the problem figured out._

I'm surprised they didn't scrap it. I guess there's a lot less to be worried about than before.

There's something there that's wrong. It's scaring me, but whatever it is… I don't know. Try not to think about it.

_Justin Norton, he was there to make sure of the mental state of our patients, he suggested that the mind couldn't cope with the fact that it had died. By now we weren't going to be discouraged, so we had to figure out a way to bypass that. We came up with trying to erase and rebuild memory. The plan was to inform the patients of what had happened after they came to terms with reality._

The other one, he said so too. Sort of. At least Dr. Ross explained it nicely, unlike a certain egotistical scientist.

_I'm not sure if that was such a clever solution now. We got good at it, but…. You, and everyone else, nothing seemed wrong with you, but they went ahead anyway. I tried to get answers, or get them to stop and reevaluate things, but I was pregnant at the time and they forced me to take leave. By the time I got back, it seemed like everything had changed. And they wouldn't let me do anything._

_Eventually I was forced to resign, so I packed up and left._

"_And you just abandoned us…._ Thanks a lot," I shouldn't have said anything, I know that now. But Neil didn't have to add his comments, either. I don't belong to anyone. I shouldn't have taken it out on them, but now I don't feel like apologizing.

Apologizing? I'm not going back there, I'll never see them again, why would I need to apologize?

Because it's the nice thing to do.

"This is so stupid," where in hell am I going to go?

Ah, down would probably be a good start. I don't know how I got so high. Nice view, but… high.

Start back. No, not back – towards the ground. There are shortcuts down along the railings and power ducts. I'll probably get lost, but what does it matter anyway?

It's getting dark again, how long have I been gone? Not long, I think. It can't have been.

Halfway down, I can already see the next level. Don't fall, there's a handhold there, I know I saw it. A little further….

"Ah!" damn slippery sonofa…. I didn't live… well, sort of, live through a war to fall and break my neck. What the hell is this gunk, anyway? What the hell…? It's blood.

What's blood doing on the framework?

If this place is anything like the other cities, then there's a maintenance crawlspace between the way and the drop to the next one down. The hole should be right… here we go.

God, how are people supposed to access these places? I had to haul myself out of a fissure… there has to be an easier way to get in here. Then again, I never noticed people working up here; maybe they don't.

"Ugh," someone is going to have to do some cleaning, though. What happened in here? Wait, what was that noise?

'Freeze.'

Good idea. There's a man down there; can see him through the grating. Harmless looking enough, but better off safe. Can't see much of him from here; the light's not right. Don't stop like that; please, keep going.

Wait a couple of minutes, until he's out of sight and I can breathe again. No, there's that sound again. Up ahead and a little to the left. Light's blocked off, because… someone's there? Not moving, but definitely breathing. Faint, but I can hear it.

"Hey," warm, definitely alive, "Are you alright?" A woman, torn up pretty bad. What hap–?

"Who?" She sounds terrible, "I know…."

"Let's get you out of here," she moves slow, but at least she is moving now. I don't know how I'm going to get her onto a more stable platform. If she can climb, maybe, but… hold on….

"Kris?" It is her… isn't it? She's smiling, "What…'re… you doing here?"

"Lookin' for you, actually, said you were in danger, bu- where is he?" she looks pretty shaken up, "We have to go before he gets back."

"What? What do you mean? Who?"

"Don't know, I do… tell you sometime,"

Hmm. Straight down is out of the question. Up is where we're going to have to go.

Takes a bit of effort, but we can make it back to the walkway. She looks terrible; all cut up like that. Only a little further. I need to find somewhere safe, somewhere…

I have to go back. Probably for the better, and I'll apologize while I'm at it. I didn't mean it, anyway, I just… didn't.

"Come on," Offer refused. Fair enough. She can barely walk, but it's her choice. At least we're on the path; can't fall from here without a bit of effort. Oh hell. Someone else is out here.

This could be bad, Kris looks like hell, and attention is all we need.

'Safe.'

What… is he doing here?

"There you are," familiar, friendly, concerned, "What is it?" And he's acting like I didn't do anything. Typical.

"We need help," Where'd she… oh, there she is. She looks terrible, doesn't she, Captain? I hope he helps, because we don't have anywhere else to go.

"I'm not going to any public hospitals, if that's what you're thinking," Quiet. I barely heard her.

"That might be a problem, but I'll try and work around it," He's not surprised, though, I wonder….

"What happened?" She didn't tell me, so I doubt she'll tell him. "Jane?"

"What?" Wait, was he asking me? Was he…? "I don't know." I don't know anything, all right?

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," nothing's wrong; never was.


	11. Think Keenly

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Eleven**_  
**Think Keenly**

I looked it up. I don't believe it, but I did look it up and find … what I did. The world population; it's over double what I last remember it being. So either a lot of people decided they wanted to go against scientific possibility and have a lot of children really fast… or something's wrong here.

I'd swear someone's trying to change history. I can't find any trace of dozens of missions I know happened, or other events for that matter. Reports and news of two of the cleansing missions seem to be gone entirely from the national databank.

God… I can imagine all this; a whole big plan devoted to… what? World domination? I never would have believed this. Could it really be that complex? Or is it something simpler? How long ago did it start? Months ago? Years? "Heh."

I keep forgetting to look for an exact date… I'll do it next time.

It's getting late. I wish he'd get back soon. Kris needs hydrogel. Stupid, she should heal fine without it….

_She shouldn't even be alive, let alone walking._

But she is and she was… until the doctor confined her to the bed, of course. I can't quite decide if she's happy to be helping or if we've all fallen into her lap at the wrong time.

Or maybe she just dislikes us. Or me.

I wonder if….

"Hey," yeah, _shouldn't be alive_ my foot…

"Shh," I'm willing to bet she's feeling better, "I don't think I'm supposed to be up yet." Still looks pretty bad off. Kind of sickening to think someone tried to twist her arm off like that. She doesn't seem to care, though, and I guess that's what counts.

"So what's this all about?" Better to try everything and figure it out than miss something important.

"How dull. No reminiscing first?" She always did laugh far too easily, "To tell the truth, I don't know."

"No one seems to, and if any of us did, we don't now."

"Us…?" She never could keep a secret, even if she had to tell just one person for peace of mind.

"Dreamers," I know that term… from…? "Nothing special… it was Ryan's word. 'I felt like I was in a dream, but couldn't figure out if I was the dreamer.'"

Ryan's word…. But Neil knew it.

"I guess you didn't find him yet."

"Huh?" Who?

"Ryan… he was here with me, but we got… got separated."

"I didn't know I was supposed to be looking,"

"No, I suppose… I sort of expected him to check in on his own; like him."

Like he would, "Maybe he would if he knew where we are."

"You'd be surprised," Hmm? "I'll go look for him."

Oh no… "No," something's wrong here, "If you're that worried, I'll go. You stay here."

"Okay," definitely disappointed, "But, hey!"

Huh?

"I'm sorry," what's she talking about? "For… running away before, and… your friend. I really am sorry about your friend."

'Guilt.'

_Shut up_, what does that mean? Shame? Or is that fear? I suppose it doesn't matter. "Don't worry about it."

"I'll talk to you later," with Ryan, maybe he'll tell me.

Maybe she would have if I'd asked. Although she should be resting, so it should wait.

It's warm out; the temperature must be balancing out with outside. Actually, I think that must have happened a while ago.

Okay… Where in the world am I supposed to start looking? Humid, damp, large city such as this one and he could be anywhere. And is it just my imagination, or has this place grown bigger in an hour?

Calling out might not be such a good idea. No one around to ask. Searching every little hole in the ground would be time consuming. I don't really feel like standing around hoping he'll see me, and would waste even more time. What was Kris thinking? Hmm… What was _I_ thinking? At least she has an excuse, or I should have known better, or…

Where was she? Maybe I can find where they got separated.

It might be a little easier if I could see. The lights are dim because of whatever the heck this haze is. Damned inconvenient.

This is where she must have gotten under the level, if the blood here is hers. If it's not… Where the hell is the flashlight? I did bring it, where'd… aha, "There you are."

All right, how do you open this thing? Little latch here, already broke, pull it up… simple enough. Now, then. Lessee…

No one down there. Big damn surprise… Okay, then. Back the way she came.

Looks like the trail gets heavier the further back it goes. If…

Whimpering. Not corporeal, I'm sure.

What the hell happened here? This place is completely torn apart. The walls, n' the ground… Everything looks scrap.

Wait a second, what's this? Someone's… foot… a person? Ah hell, under all this crap?

Hhn. What better do I have to do? Besides… no… no thoughts on that.

Whoever-it-is is has a pulse, so that's a good sign. He's breathing, that's good, too. Oh…

I guess that's something not seen every day. Where did… where did his head go?

"Mmm…" I don't know him, I don't think. Not by that name anyway. But how is he still alive? Just how did he live through…?

I don't want to know. If maybe… this has to end somewhere, or I have to find… maybe if I… we all left, and went away from here. Away from everything; it's possible, isn't it? And they'd come, or I'd just… No one would follow us if we went far enough. Not like… here. Here. Damn.

I have to get back. She didn't tell me, but I should have figured it out. If she were followed, or if I was, it doesn't matter; everyone needs to be in one place. Even if we have to worry about Ryan later. And he's fine, I'm sure he can take care of himself.

"I'm sorry, excuse me," where the hell did he come from? Wait, do I know him? I don't think I do, but… huh. Blood is beginning to seem more common than other liquid around here. To turn around and see or to keep going. Oh the love of free choice.

Yep. He's covered in it. Looks pleased with himself, too. Shouldn't be overly surprised, or at least not much more than anything else.

But I know him, don't I? He looks like he knows me. And there's the rest of that other man back there. A prize… a thing to be carried, played with, and given as a gift. I remember… the cat; he did that too. And playful eyes; a child's eyes; seeking attention, or something more.

A distant noise, a cry…. Pain? I was followed. A dangerous, stupid attempt that'll get the stalker killed. Already pinned to a wall, and probably injured by the force of it all. A friend is going to die out of sheer stupidity.

His or mine?

Another sound, and this one is not so clear. A name… mine, and something….

No… this isn't going to happen. I'm not going to let it happen.

"Let go, y-ah!"

Ow. "Mmph…." Almost completely ignored, too. He's not paying attention; maybe the better for me, but not doing good at all. Why does he look so confused? Doesn't he…? Ugh, Damn it.

"Get away from him!"

I'm going to kill him, I swear.

Oh, _now_ he's looking at me. What did I do to get his attention, I wonder?

"If I am denied existence, then I will deny it to everyone here as well."

What? Huh, I certainly got his attention, though.

He's taller than I am, and looks a bit heavier. That's hard to judge; not something I want to underestimate, and the damage he's done so far… he's done a lot. And he looks quite angry. Have to stay well out of reach for any chance of… I couldn't win a fight here; I need more to find more open ground.

'Run.'


	12. Die Well

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Twelve**_  
**Die Well**

Yeah, and you can stare all you like, I'm not coming back down there. I can wait just as long as you can; although, it would probably be a different story altogether if I could get back down.

"Go away,"

"No,"

There goes that.

"Why not?"

"Why?"

Because… because….

"I know what you are," Yeah; great; now stop looking at me like that please, "So tell me, what's it all about?"

"What's what all about?" Actually, I probably could get down from here, but it'd hurt.

"Life; living," And he'd probably hurt me even worse, "Why am I so angry with these people."

"I don't know; so maybe you should talk to someone who would," I could make that jump, maybe; it's only…. Only…

"I would think you should know, I would if I were you," One…

"Well, you're not," Two…

"Maybe I should be," Three…

Make it; made it, feet up… up, can't let him… boots? How? "Wh–ah!" And fast. And I let him go…

"Why would you do this?" What did I…?

Have to catch the ledge if he drops me. If I don't think th–.

A report; too close to… to… Not close enough.

It's not the falling that bothers me; I can stand falling, and it can be fun. It's the landing I have a problem with and with falling comes landing.

…And pain. Almost forgot about that. Don't feel a… no, can feel my fingers, just a little. Dark; little speculation, but maybe because eyes are closed. Steel… metal, I think, 'n bright, red 'n'renge. Blurry, though.

C'mon, wake up…

'You can't really blame them for trying to keep you here…'

'Who?'

_Just a little…._

'Any of them… or us. It's all a matter of survival.'

'What are you?'

_Have to remember, have to remember to think…_

'A friend; an enemy; a stranger – everyone.'

_Have to breathe._


	13. And Fade Away

_Evanesce_

_**Chapter Thirteen**_  
**And Fade Away  
**

Whether I can trust in Neil, the man staring at me across the cramped little alley – figment of my imagination – or not; I suppose it doesn't matter.

What makes him so special, when contrasted to the uncounted multitude of others… I should know, but I don't… want to.

He says things I should understand but don't, and explains things I shouldn't have understood at all. Belief is a factor, I know, but I don't have a reason not to. And he makes as much sense now as anything does. It's simple nature to want to live, even in impossible circumstances. Apparently, even to sink so deep into the mind as to escape life without dying.

"You have three choices; try to live here," akin to comatose, "let go," die, "or try to wake up now, and face reality; which, in itself, could be death." All dependant on what's happened there.

Actually, I take that as two choices: die in the world, the real world, or live here in a dream. A vivid dream, I'll admit, but… not real.

There's also the question of what the real world is now, or what it's become.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to make a decision."

"What about the others?" The bits of people, pieces of… souls, that I've collected over my lifetime; what do they want?

"They know it's your choice," a glimpse of something, but I don't know what it was, "They won't argue, n'll hold back any that do."

"I don't like that,"

"Your mind shouldn't be a… a democracy for people that aren't you. Especially since they didn't even know they existed until they woke up just a bit ago."

That's not the entire problem. This isn't what I want, but I don't know what I do.

"If you stay here long enough, you might forget. If you die… you might forget."

But… that's what it's all about, isn't it? Memory. I want to keep my memory, even if it's not so much; it's something.

"If you die here…"

"What about them?" Those people and this world I dreamt up, "What happens to them if I don't stay?"

"When I was a kid, I used to think I'd create a new realities with my imagination,"

"…So?"

"So, if you think well of them, they should be okay."

"What about you?"

"I'm stuck with you, no matter what and like it or not…. I don't really mind."

"I'm…" what? What am I going to do? "I want to think about this." So he shrugs – not the most encouraging response.

I can't think of any other alternatives. Nothing to be said that hasn't been already.

I can hear both worlds, each with its own strange sounds. One is calling out of… maybe out of necessity and the other because it's natural. I have to leave one of them behind.

Asleep or awake; live or die.

Exist or… don't.

**_The End_**

**Working Title**: _Evanesce_

**Inspiration**: Initially, the song _Warehouse_, by Dave Matthews Band. As things went along... _Lie in Our Graves_ and _#41_, also by Dave Matthews Band. _Digging in the Dirt_, by Peter Gabriel, for the title of the fifth chapter. And lastly, _Warehouse_ again.

**Noteworthy**: I think I enjoyed writing this story above any other I've written. I still love the premise, and everything was just so _fun_.

**Disambiguation**: The title _Evanesce_ comes from my digging through the MSWord Thesarus for a passable synnonym for _Fade_, as I was obsessed with not putting what I thought would be easy clues into plain sight. The ending was supposed to be a bit clearer, but then I thought of a second ending, and later a third, and considered putting all three up, and then decided not.

_Derivative work of material © Square Pictures, Squaresoft. Reformatted to abide by 'site standards. None of the original text has been modified, 'cept in case of typo._


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